There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
TIM ALLEN
You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
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Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
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A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
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I think there’s a percentage that don’t realize, that don’t know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It’s more of a it’s not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
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I do a lot of family shows.
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If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
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Before Kady was born, I didn’t think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.
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I’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
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You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
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For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
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My comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
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I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it’s one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they’re going to want something from me I can’t give, or they’re going to hurt me.
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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I’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.
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Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
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When you’re 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.
TIM ALLEN