In my experience, it’s all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
TIM ALLENI love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Boys can be disgusting. You can’t leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We’re just obnoxious.
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Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
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Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
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I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
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When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine – this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
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I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
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I don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
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I’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.
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They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.
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Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of “Yeah, we might have to reboot.”
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I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
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If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
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Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
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My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
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When you’re 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.
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When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
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A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
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Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
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Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we’re just the tallest people living here.
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Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.
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I am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.
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I have a thing for tools.
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I have an only child. She’s so independent and good with adults.
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Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.
TIM ALLEN