As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
TIM ALLENI grew up around hunters. I love guns, bows, arrows, compasses and binoculars. I don’t do any of that stuff, I just like the stuff. I shot one animal, in my life, and I didn’t like it. If I had to skin an animal to eat it, I’d probably eat vegetables.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, let’s be fair, that means you’ve got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you’ve done. It’s okay to say, “God, I wish I’d done this; yeah, but I did do that.” Then it kind of balances out.
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I’m one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
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If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
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Boys can be disgusting. You can’t leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We’re just obnoxious.
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All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
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Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
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I don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
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Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
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In my experience, it’s all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
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Before Kady was born, I didn’t think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.
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The world’s a mean place. It’s unfair, then it’s fair. It’s hateful, then it’s loving. It’s a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
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I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.
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You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
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I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it’s one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they’re going to want something from me I can’t give, or they’re going to hurt me.
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Being wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.
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I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.
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They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.
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My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.
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Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of “Yeah, we might have to reboot.”
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Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
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I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody’s car.
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But separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine – this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
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Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we’re just the tallest people living here.
TIM ALLEN