In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
TIM ALLENI was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It’s not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I’ll do it because it’s a moment that will stick with me forever.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
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But separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
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I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.
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Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.
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When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine – this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
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Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
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I don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity. Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal.
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I do a lot of family shows.
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For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
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To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.
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Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
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If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
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I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
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Men often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
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When you’re 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.
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My comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
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Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
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Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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I have an only child. She’s so independent and good with adults.
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I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
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I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
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A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad’s car. I don’t blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don’t have many memories of my dad. The love of cars is all I have of him, really.
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While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
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