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Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.

Tim Allen

Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
TIM ALLEN

Easy Family Issues Movie Time
All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
TIM ALLEN

Alone Crow Encouragement Man Substitute Support Thinking
Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
TIM ALLEN

Animal Borrow Man Tools
Dog’s listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
TIM ALLEN

Appearance Listening Noise Thinking Voice Yourself
I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it’s one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they’re going to want something from me I can’t give, or they’re going to hurt me.
TIM ALLEN

Audience Easy Hurt Myself Time
If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
TIM ALLEN

Control Decision Direction Journey Path Yourself
I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.
TIM ALLEN

Existence Goodness Live Myself Relationship
I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.
TIM ALLEN

Children Father Fear Irrational Lose Myself
I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It’s not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I’ll do it because it’s a moment that will stick with me forever.
TIM ALLEN

Forever Love Marriage Moments Myself Young
Boys can be disgusting. You can’t leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We’re just obnoxious.
TIM ALLEN

Alone Disgust Leaving Ourselves Paint Time
Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
TIM ALLEN

Direction Flight Plane Reality
You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
TIM ALLEN

People Stress Tension Yourself
I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)
TIM ALLEN

Crazy Drive Face God Myself Stare Wonder
I’m one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
TIM ALLEN

Environment Man Myself Spoil
When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine – this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
TIM ALLEN

Breathe Coward Ego Hard Prison Reality Strength Yourself
If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, let’s be fair, that means you’ve got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you’ve done. It’s okay to say, “God, I wish I’d done this; yeah, but I did do that.” Then it kind of balances out.
TIM ALLEN

Balance Congrats Goodness Kind Mistake Work Yourself
Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
TIM ALLEN

Children Learning Myself Respect
I grew up around hunters. I love guns, bows, arrows, compasses and binoculars. I don’t do any of that stuff, I just like the stuff. I shot one animal, in my life, and I didn’t like it. If I had to skin an animal to eat it, I’d probably eat vegetables.
TIM ALLEN

Animal Growth Hunter Love Myself Skin Vegetable
My comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
TIM ALLEN

Comedy Gift Intelligence Myself Smart
I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
TIM ALLEN

Clarify Funny Memories Myself
If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
TIM ALLEN

Break Fix Repair Yourself
Before Kady was born, I didn’t think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.
TIM ALLEN

Born Children Deal Myself Thinking Time
Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
TIM ALLEN

Comedy One Liner Ultimate
My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
TIM ALLEN

Death Father Foundation Nature Reminder
I am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.
TIM ALLEN

Body Character Man Myself Trap
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
TIM ALLEN

Car End Funny Relationship Woman
Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
TIM ALLEN

Death Dog Food Leaving

Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.

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Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.

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