To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.
TIM ALLENDog’s listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine – this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
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A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
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But separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
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I’m one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
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If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
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Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
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Before Kady was born, I didn’t think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.
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I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
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For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
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I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it’s one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they’re going to want something from me I can’t give, or they’re going to hurt me.
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Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
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There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
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Dog’s listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
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If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, let’s be fair, that means you’ve got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you’ve done. It’s okay to say, “God, I wish I’d done this; yeah, but I did do that.” Then it kind of balances out.
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I have an only child. She’s so independent and good with adults.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
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My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.
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I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.
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I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody’s car.
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The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas – where it’s a beautiful theater – is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
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All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
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I grew up around hunters. I love guns, bows, arrows, compasses and binoculars. I don’t do any of that stuff, I just like the stuff. I shot one animal, in my life, and I didn’t like it. If I had to skin an animal to eat it, I’d probably eat vegetables.
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Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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