Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
TIM ALLENI do a lot of family shows.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
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The world’s a mean place. It’s unfair, then it’s fair. It’s hateful, then it’s loving. It’s a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
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Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
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In my experience, it’s all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
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I’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
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I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
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I think there’s a percentage that don’t realize, that don’t know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It’s more of a it’s not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
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Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.
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If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.
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My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
TIM ALLEN