Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
TIM ALLENMen are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
More Tim Allen Quotes
-
-
The world’s a mean place. It’s unfair, then it’s fair. It’s hateful, then it’s loving. It’s a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
TIM ALLEN -
I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
TIM ALLEN -
I’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
TIM ALLEN -
Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
TIM ALLEN -
I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it’s one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they’re going to want something from me I can’t give, or they’re going to hurt me.
TIM ALLEN -
Men often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
TIM ALLEN -
I’ve gotten so far past the Android and iPhones that I’m back to a flip-phone. It’s funny, you can buy antique flip-phones online. A lot of us collect them. Clearly, they’re considered antiques.
TIM ALLEN -
I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
TIM ALLEN -
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.
TIM ALLEN -
I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
TIM ALLEN -
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
TIM ALLEN -
Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
TIM ALLEN -
If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
TIM ALLEN -
I do a lot of family shows.
TIM ALLEN -
But separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
TIM ALLEN -
Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
TIM ALLEN -
The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
TIM ALLEN -
I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
TIM ALLEN -
All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
TIM ALLEN -
You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
TIM ALLEN -
I don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
TIM ALLEN -
When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine – this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
TIM ALLEN -
I have an only child. She’s so independent and good with adults.
TIM ALLEN -
I have a thing for tools.
TIM ALLEN -
Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.
TIM ALLEN -
Being wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.
TIM ALLEN