I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody’s car.
TIM ALLENI am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
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All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
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I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
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I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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I have an only child. She’s so independent and good with adults.
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I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
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If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, let’s be fair, that means you’ve got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you’ve done. It’s okay to say, “God, I wish I’d done this; yeah, but I did do that.” Then it kind of balances out.
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Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.
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I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.
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Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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I think there’s a percentage that don’t realize, that don’t know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It’s more of a it’s not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
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Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.
TIM ALLEN