To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.
TIM ALLENMy comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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When you’re 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
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I have an only child. She’s so independent and good with adults.
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My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.
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You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
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I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.
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I don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
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If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
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Men often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
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Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
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I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it’s one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they’re going to want something from me I can’t give, or they’re going to hurt me.
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Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
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Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.
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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
TIM ALLEN