We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
ALAN KINGI won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
More Alan King Quotes
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
ALAN KING -
There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
ALAN KING -
It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
ALAN KING -
I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
ALAN KING -
Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
ALAN KING -
The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
ALAN KING






