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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.

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Back Ball Been Fifty Laugh Listen Love People Theatre Villian Year

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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Alive Current Funny Keep Yourself
It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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Anyone Food Friendship Imagine Interest Last Like More Someone
There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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Any Believe More Nobody Trust
The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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Bed Eat Favorite Out Saturday Spend Sport Television Watch Way
I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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Always Dinner First Morning Plan Thing
I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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Bad Good Joy Over Place Review Scream Unhappy
You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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Bran Fifteen Last Live Longer Spend Toilet Year
When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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All Birthday Celebrate Everybody Father Kid Tell Tree Use
Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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Funny Holocaust Joke Make Occur People Way
My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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Book Love Marriage Read Separate Two Want
You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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