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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.

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Back Ball Been Fifty Laugh Listen Love People Theatre Villian Year

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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Audience Big Comedy Identity Thing Think
Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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Confidence First Freedom Gave Lot People Program Sullivan Television
My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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Ate Clean Good House Kept Mother
Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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Modesty One Virtue
Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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Bigotry Father First Oppression Read Talk Think Time
I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
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Carnegie Hall Have Made Practice
A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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Eat Every Holiday Jewish Kill Summer Try Won
My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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Accident Car Cousin Eighty Kill Male Mother One Raise Sister Six Trolley
One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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Country Dinner Life One Restaurant Thing Whole
When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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Apple Every Gave Hospital Juice Morning
The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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Ability Absorb Book Else Exactly Make Someone Stage Story Word
We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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Ability Behave Fun Make Society Watch
My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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Ability Audience Comedy Identity never Say Son Story Tell
When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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Day Decide Dinner Go Morning Through

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