Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
GROUCHO MARXYou can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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Whatever it is, I’m against it.
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
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Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
Go, and never darken my towels again.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX