A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
GEORGE CARLINThere’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
More George Carlin Quotes
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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Is there another word for synonym?
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
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I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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Meow means woof in cat.
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
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Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
GEORGE CARLIN