Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
GEORGE CARLINThere’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
More George Carlin Quotes
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
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If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
GEORGE CARLIN