“Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while”

Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!

We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!

All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.

I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.

A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.

While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.

She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.

Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.

Even if you’re Bill Gates, you’ve got problems. I’m sure he would probably easily give a few billion dollars to get rid of all the problems that he has.

Why I’ve advocated a proportional tax system. You make $10 billion, you pay a billion. You make $10, you pay one. And everybody gets treated the same way. And you get rid of the deductions, you get rid of all the loopholes.

When actually what’s going to happen is we’re going to radically expand our lives billions and billions of times in every way, in every dimension and so I’m looking forward to things I can’t even imagine yet.

No one should have a key that turns a billion locks. It shouldn’t exist.

What civilization is, is 6 billion people trying to make themselves happy by standing on each other’s shoulders and kicking each other’s teeth in. It’s not a pleasant situation.

Even if you’re Bill Gates, you’ve got problems. I’m sure he would probably easily give a few billion dollars to get rid of all the problems that he has.

I’ve advocated a proportional tax system. You make $10 billion, you pay a billion. You make $10, you pay one. And everybody gets treated the same way.

When I arrived on the planet, there were only two billion. Wildlife was more abundant, we were less so; now the situation is reversed.