Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARXShe got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
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She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX






