“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.”

Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.

I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?

Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.

Any place I hang my head is home.

Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.

We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.

Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!

The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.

It doesn’t matter what you expected, but you must accept what reality offers to you at the end.

There is no group or type of people anywhere in the world that is excluded from salvation, because God desires that the gospel be proclaimed to all without exception.

Guidance is not attained except with knowledge and correct direction is not attained except with patience.

We may rest assured that God would never have suffered any infants to be slain except those who were already damned and predestined for eternal death.

They use everything about the hog except the squeal.

All are sure in their days except the most wise. He is the wisest philosopher who holds his theory with some doubt.

Everyone, without exception, is searching for happiness.

There is no reality except the one contained within us.