“If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.”

Be good and you will be lonesome.

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it.

I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.

When angry, count four. When very angry, swear.

I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

Classic – a book which people praise and don’t read.

Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.

I didn’t have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.

It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.

I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!

I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Human ‘beans’ is the only animals that is killing their own kind.

Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.

Animals are my friends and I don’t eat my friends.

No animal has more liberty than the cat, but it buries the mess it makes. The cat is the best anarchist.

Man is by nature a social animal; an individual who is unsocial naturally and not accidentally is either beneath our notice or more than human.

The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.

I choose not to make a graveyard of my body for the rotting corpses of dead animals.

Man is the religious animal.