Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
GEORGE CARLINHave you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
More George Carlin Quotes
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
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Life is tough, then you die.
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
GEORGE CARLIN