The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
GEORGE CARLINHave you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
More George Carlin Quotes
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The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
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If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
GEORGE CARLIN