Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARXMost young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX -
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX -
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
GROUCHO MARX -
I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
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From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX