She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
GROUCHO MARXA man is only as old as the woman he feels.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX -
I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX -
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX -
I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX -
I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
GROUCHO MARX -
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX -
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
I only write first editions.
GROUCHO MARX -
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX -
All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX -
In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
GROUCHO MARX -
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX -
I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
GROUCHO MARX -
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX -
Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX -
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX -
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX -
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
GROUCHO MARX -
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX -
Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX