If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARXThe only real laughter comes from despair.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
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I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
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Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
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He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
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I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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I must admit, I was born at an early age.
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If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX






