I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARXAnyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
GROUCHO MARX -
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX -
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX -
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARX -
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX -
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX -
Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX -
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX -
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX -
If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX -
A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
GROUCHO MARX