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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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Time wounds all heels.
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While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
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All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
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