I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
GROUCHO MARXAnyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
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Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
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I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
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I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
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All geniuses die young.
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Time wounds all heels.
GROUCHO MARX