We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARXAnyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARX -
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX -
If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX -
If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX -
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
GROUCHO MARX -
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX -
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
GROUCHO MARX -
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX -
Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX -
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARX -
When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARX






