Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARXLove flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
GROUCHO MARX -
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX -
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX -
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX -
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
GROUCHO MARX -
Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
GROUCHO MARX -
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX -
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
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Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX -
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX






