I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARXIf a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
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You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX -
I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX -
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
GROUCHO MARX -
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
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She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX -
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
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Whatever it is, I’m against it.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARX