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I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.

Bob Hope

That’s life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.
BOB HOPE

Dieting Golf Loss Weight
President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.
BOB HOPE

Golf Painting President
We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.
BOB HOPE

Ashes Country Funny Humorous People
One of the greatest gifts to mankind is laughter, and one of the greatest gifts to laughter is Lucille Ball. God has her now but thanks to television, we’ll have her forever.
BOB HOPE

Balls Forever Gifts Good Greatest Laughter Thank
Sure Vietnam is a dirty war. I’ve never heard of a clean one.
BOB HOPE

Country Dirty People War
The Governor has no presidential aspirations. In fact he just made a tour of 43 states just to tell them he’s not running for anything.
BOB HOPE

Aspiration Funny Presidential Running States
It’s a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he’s dead.
BOB HOPE

Average Funny Humorous
Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells ‘Fore!’ the guy he’s hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.
BOB HOPE

Ambulance Golf Golfer Guy Slowly Speaks Time Way
I’ll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.
BOB HOPE

Age Golf Live Shoot
She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn’t help wondering from what direction.
BOB HOPE

Comedy Direction Helping Life Wondering
Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.
BOB HOPE

Drinking Kissing Tea
Audiences are my best friends. You never tire of talking with your best friends.
BOB HOPE

Best Friend Talking Tire
Lots of travel, away from home.
BOB HOPE

Away From Home Line One
I’d give up golf if I didn’t have so many sweaters.
BOB HOPE

Giving Golf Sweaters Up
I’ve never wanted an Oscar, although they are reassuring to an actor who doesn’t know how really great he is.
BOB HOPE

Actors Oscar Reassuring
The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.
BOB HOPE

Country Humorous People Soup

I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.

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I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.

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