“I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’”

The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.

Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.

I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!

Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.

A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.

I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

… if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don’t let them put the year.

My body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

I didn’t realize until I was older what a huge music fan my daddy really was, and actually that my grandma played banjo at one time, and I didn’t even know that until a year or two ago.

Many of those who purchased their residence more than a year ago have equity buffers in their homes adequate to withstand any price decline other than a very deep one.

What is a husband? He is the one who, with a touch, can bring back the starlight and glow of years long ago. At least he hopes he can – don’t disappoint him.

And I had long ago become accustomed to being called ‘Ophelia Daphne Flavia, damn it.

We were doing Scarface many years ago…and I remember having my coffee and looking at the beach, the surf, and I saw a hundred people looking out into the ocean.

Every living thing tends toward the good or we would have been gone a long time ago

The struggle goes on. The victory is in the struggle, for me. And I accepted that a long time ago.

This is something I learned only too well years ago when I did a fundraiser for Pol Pot. A few years later I saw ‘The Killing Fields,’ and I’ve got to tell you, I just felt like a schmuck.