Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.
PHYLLIS DILLERI spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.
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A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.
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You’ve got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It’s when somebody steps on the bride’s train, or belches during the ceremony that you’ve got comedy!
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, “Attack!” And he has one. All he does is piddle. He’s nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
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I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
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The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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All mothers are working mothers.
PHYLLIS DILLER






