It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
PHYLLIS DILLERMy mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
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I was the world’s ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads… I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said ‘Grab the blade!
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
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All mothers are working mothers.
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I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.
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A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.
PHYLLIS DILLER