“My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.”

Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.

I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.

I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.

I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.

self-pity is better than none.

My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.

Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?

I’m the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.

In most states you can get a driver’s license when you’re sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.

I was the world’s ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads… I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said ‘Grab the blade!

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.

Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.

Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.

Let’s keep our chins up and our knees down – we’re on the victory side.

We will only advance in our evangelistic work as fast and as far as we advance on our knees.

I’ve had journalists asking me, ‘What do we call you – is it handicapped, are you disabled, physically challenged?’

I said, ‘Well hopefully you could just call me Aimee. But if you have to describe it, I’m a bilateral below-the-knee amputee.’

My splurge would be a pair of leather Christian Louboutin over-the-knee boots.

Let’s get on our knees and pray. I don’t know to whom. Is there a patron saint of ballistics gel?

Conjure up all the strength you have and drive through whatever it is keeping you on your knees. Build up the strength and your knees may never buckle again!

Sometimes in life, things happen that will knock you back. Hell, you may get beaten to your knees but you must never ALLOW this world to knock you down!