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Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

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Age Glove Love Old Sport Through

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You know you’re old when your walker has an airbag.
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I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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Before you get married you should meet your fiance’s parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
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In most states you can get a driver’s license when you’re sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
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Drive License Made Most Now Old Sense Sixteen State Year
I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
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I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
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My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.
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Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
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Advice Away Bottle Children Follow Keep Transquilzer Work
There’s such a buildup of crud in my oven, there’s only room to bake a single cupcake.
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I’ve tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t’ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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Buddhism Depth Feng Numerous Straight Technology Transcendental Work
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.
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Exactly Friend Laugh Look Man Passport Photo Picture Realize
Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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