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Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

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Age Glove Love Old Sport Through

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

My body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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Bad Body Phase Prescription Shape Such Underwater Wear
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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Bed Fight Go never Stay Up
I was the world’s ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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Baby Born Doctor Everybody Slap Ugly World
You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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Doctors say it’s okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.
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After Ambulance Attack Close Doctor Door Heart Okay Provide
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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Age Beaty Eyesight Fade Like Look Marry May Own
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
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Best Contraceptive Nudity People
To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.
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Apply Clean Neighbour Roaster Something
When I go to the beach, even the tide won’t come in.
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Beach Come Even Go Tide
I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
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Feature Made never That What
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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Away Children Home Keep Only Parent Some Thing Threaten
Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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Do Life Practice Work Yourself
self-pity is better than none.
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Better Ity None Self
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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Humble Keep Know Mirror
There’s such a buildup of crud in my oven, there’s only room to bake a single cupcake.
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Bake Buildup Crud Cupcake Open Roo Single Such
Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
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Aim Fool High Off Shoot

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