You know you’re old when your walker has an airbag.
PHYLLIS DILLEROld age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
-
-
I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Before you get married you should meet your fiance’s parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
PHYLLIS DILLER -
In most states you can get a driver’s license when you’re sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
There’s such a buildup of crud in my oven, there’s only room to bake a single cupcake.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I’ve tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t’ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
PHYLLIS DILLER