Life is just a bowl of pits.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDSome dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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