When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDSome dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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