My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
ALAN KINGAn old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
More Alan King Quotes
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
ALAN KING -
There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
ALAN KING -
If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
ALAN KING -
It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
ALAN KING -
Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
ALAN KING -
We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
ALAN KING -
When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
ALAN KING