Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.
ADAM CAROLLAAs I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
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I know everything because I know nothing.
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I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
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As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
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It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I’ve done so much morning radio that I won’t be overwhelmed by it, but it’s still going to be a challenge.
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So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.
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There are certain things women are better at than men.
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Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
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I don’t know anything about computers.
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All’s the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.
ADAM CAROLLA






