“As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.”

I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.

Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!

When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .

I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”

When you do television, there’s more to do, and when you do new television, there’s a lot more to do, especially when you don’t have partner. I miss not having that person.

People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.

I’d never hurt another person.

I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.

A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.

No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.

When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.

I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.

I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.

I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.

I know everything because I know nothing.

I don’t know anything about computers.

When we’re deluded there’s a world to escape. When we’re aware, there’s nothing to escape.

I couldn’t escape him, now or ever. He’d always be there, consuming my every thought, my heart locked in his hands. I was drawn to him by forces i couldn’t control, let alone escape.

Life should be larger than life. Size is important to escape normalization.

I spent my whole childhood looking for an escape.

Chasing an errant swarm of bees is nothing to following a naked lunatic when the fit of escaping is upon him!

We’re on the computers, phones and tablets all day long, sometimes you just need to escape from the screens.

Maniacal suicide. -This is due to hallucinations or delirious conceptions. The patient kills himself to escape from an imaginary danger or disgrace, or to obey a mysterious order from on high, etc.

An editor is a person who knows more about writing than writers do but who has escaped the terrible desire to write.