“We don’t really have to make fun of religion – it makes fun of itself.”

I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.

Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.

To those people who say, ‘My father is alive because of animal experimentation,’ I say, ‘Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your father could live.’ Sorry, but I am just not behind that kind of trade-off.

In America, you’re allowed to justify almost any kind of bigotry, sexism, or intolerance if you source it to God’s big book of bad ideas.

Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.

Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.

If you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then you might as well believe bunnies lay painted eggs.

Religion is insanity by consensus.

I don’t know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.

God knows life sucks. It’s right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take away pain and misery. And God says, “I can’t take away pain and misery because then no one would talk to me.”

I have always defined political correctness as an elevation of sensitivity over truth.

Ninety percent of people support background checks. Which means even people who can’t pass a background check support background checks.

In Europe, Socialism is just another political party. It just means that government takes over certain things like hospitals, prisons, military and schools that should not be run for profit.

Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.

I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

If you follow all of the rules, you’ll miss all of the fun.

Sleep late, have fun, get wild, drink whisky and drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love and not getting arrested.

It’s more fun to think that there are other worlds.

Clothes are fun. The designers have so much fun making them, you should have fun wearing them, too.

I’ve certainly never taken the care of myself that I should have. On the contrary. I’ve done a lot of late nights without enough sleep and all that. But I’ve had fun. Whatever wrinkles are there, I’ve enjoyed getting them.

It’s nice to get off the couch, throw the clothes on, add a little make-up and go back to work, every once in a while.

I never lose sight of the fact that just being is fun.

If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun.