“God knows life sucks. It’s right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take away pain and misery. And God says, “I can’t take away pain and misery because then no one would talk to me.””

Who takes care of their people better? FEMA or Hezbollah?

The answer isn’t another pill. The answer is spinach.

When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.

The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They’re supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.

We don’t really have to make fun of religion – it makes fun of itself.

Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.

When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.

In the Republican party, crazy is a constituency.

The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.

To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I Agree’.

The thing I don’t understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who’s supposed to pretend they don’t want it?

The cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people, and don’t come in clearly enough.

You can’t pray away global warming, and that’s the difference between religious people and sane people.

I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?

Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.

People have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They’re DEFINITELY GAY!!

I have the choice to be angry at God for what i don’t have, or be thankful for what i do have

But Christ’s lore and his apostles twelve, He taught and first he followed it himself.

And at home by the fire, whenever you look up there I shall be— and whenever I look up, there will be you.

Surely if God had meant us to do yoga, he would have put our heads behind our knees.

God, I want to see You. God, I want to hear You. God, I want to know You. God, I want to follow hard after You. And even before I know what I will face today, I say yes to You.

When God doesn’t change a circumstance, He can change our hearts in knowing that He can change all things for the good.

I just hope people see that if God can do something beautiful with my broken pieces, then God truly has a plan for each and everyone of us.

Remember: even the smallest drop of God’s strength is more than enough to cover our frailties, our shortcomings, and the places where we deem ourselves weak.