It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.
MARK TWAINAlways acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
More Mark Twain Quotes
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When angry, count four. When very angry, swear.
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What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.
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There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.
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It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
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If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.
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Obscurity and a competence – that is the life that is best worth living.
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If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re mis-informed.
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I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
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In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.
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Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
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Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.
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The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.
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In a good bookroom you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in all the books through your skin, without even opening them.
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The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
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The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.
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Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it.
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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The most interesting information come from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.
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Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else.
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Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.
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Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
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Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
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The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man’s.
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Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
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Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other.
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The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.
MARK TWAIN