I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARXWell, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
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I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX -
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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Go, and never darken my towels again.
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX -
The only real laughter comes from despair.
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If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
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A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX -
I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
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I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
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You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
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A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARX