“I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.”

My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!

Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.

If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.

There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.

Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.

If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.

God made night, But man made darkness.

I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

I told you I was sick.

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.

Leave me alone in the rain. Let me feel the pain.

You would be so proud of me, if you knew of all the ways i’ve turnt my pain into art.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

Learning is a gift. Even if pain is the teacher.

Change is painful, but nothing is as painful as being stuck somewhere you don’t belong.

You don’t deserve to be in pain due to someone else’s actions.

Patience is of two kinds: patience over what pains you, and patience against what you covet.

An apology not always heal your pain.