To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
SPIKE MILLIGANMoney can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
SPIKE MILLIGAN