Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
SPIKE MILLIGANIf I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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I told you I was sick.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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God made night, But man made darkness.
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
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Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
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I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
SPIKE MILLIGAN