“If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.”

It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t

I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)

And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.

We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.

Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.

Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.

Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.

In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.

Its all in the mind, you know.

This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in

We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.

In the human race today, you came last.

Death comes for us all in the end.

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.

Better was it to go unknown and leave behind you an arch, then to burn like a meteor and leave no dust.

It is our attitude toward events, not events themselves, which we can control. Nothing is by its own nature calamitous, even death is terrible only if we fear it.

The hour of departure has arrived, and we go our separate ways, I to die, and you to live. Which of these two is better only God knows.

Without death there would be very little progress.

Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect.

The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.