A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
SPIKE MILLIGANIf I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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God made night, But man made darkness.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
SPIKE MILLIGAN