How do you get off a non-stop flight?
STEVEN WRIGHTI think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
STEVEN WRIGHT