Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
SPIKE MILLIGANI spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
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Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
SPIKE MILLIGAN






