Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARXI have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
GROUCHO MARX -
Whatever it is, I’m against it.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX -
When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARX -
I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX -
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
GROUCHO MARX -
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX -
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX -
I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX -
Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX -
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX -
All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX






