The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARXGetting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX -
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
GROUCHO MARX -
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
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Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
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I must admit, I was born at an early age.
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
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Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARX -
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
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She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX






