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Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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I must admit, I was born at an early age.
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
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I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
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Equality Freedom Prejudices
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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Elephant Funny Humour Morning Pajama
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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Army Contradiction Intelligence Military One Liner
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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Animal Black Cat Cross Funny Humour Path
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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