“Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.”

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.

I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.

If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.

You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy

Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.

Yet once being born there is no turning back.

We don’t grow older we grow riper.

The best advice about getting older? Just be thankful you’re not dead!

Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved.

There are reasons each of us is born. We have to find those reasons.

Age is just a number; maturity is a choice.

To be born means being compelled to choose an era, a place, a life. To exist here, now, means to lost the possibility of being countless other potential selves.

Is someone different at age 18 or 60? I believe one stays the same.