I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
GROUCHO MARXAll people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX -
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX -
Time wounds all heels.
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
GROUCHO MARX -
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARX -
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX -
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX -
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
GROUCHO MARX -
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX -
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX -
Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
GROUCHO MARX