“I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.”

I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!

We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!

All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.

A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.

While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.

She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.

The more you know, the more you know you don’t know.

The more a man knows, the less he talks.

If your plan is for one year plant rice. If your plan is for ten years plant trees. If your plan is for one hundred years educate children.

Education is the great engine of personal development.

It is very nearly impossible to become an educated person in a country so distrustful of the independent mind.

It’s the knowledge derived from information that gives you a competitive edge.

Any fool can know. The point is to understand.

The only thing that is more expensive than education is ignorance.