I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARXThe secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I only write first editions.
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Whatever it is, I’m against it.
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You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
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Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
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Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
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Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
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Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
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Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
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She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
GROUCHO MARX