Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARXThe secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
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I must admit, I was born at an early age.
GROUCHO MARX -
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX -
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX -
If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARX -
Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARX -
Whatever it is, I’m against it.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX