You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
STEVEN WRIGHTI like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
STEVEN WRIGHT