I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
STEVEN WRIGHTI like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
STEVEN WRIGHT