How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
STEVEN WRIGHTI like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
STEVEN WRIGHT






