My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
SPIKE MILLIGANChopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
-
-
If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
I told you I was sick.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
A lot of learning can be a little thing.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
SPIKE MILLIGAN