Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
SPIKE MILLIGANChopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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God made night, But man made darkness.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
SPIKE MILLIGAN