Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
SPIKE MILLIGANNever return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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I told you I was sick.
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
SPIKE MILLIGAN