Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
SPIKE MILLIGANNever return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
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In the human race today, you came last.
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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I told you I was sick.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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A lot of learning can be a little thing.
SPIKE MILLIGAN






